@kdfrawg indeed. i guess it's the old 'how do i move on from my first love' business. i mean, i've moved on in the sense of not being into her (haven't been for many years), but i haven't found anyone new to be that great or exciting either. and i don't compare people to her, well, not anymore. even if i did compare them to her, these days anyone would benefit from that comparison because she's so messed up LOL.